So now I’m a little more calmed down, I can write and review what went down yesterday. It actually has started a while ago. Holly has been having light-headedness, tiredness, anxiety, and panic attacks. She went to the doctor a couple times who took blood pressure, sugar levels, blah blah blah. Then she made an appointment for Holly to get a CAT of her brain to rule out tumors and what have you (very reassuring, right?). At the same time she was to get a heart monitor so they can see what is going on with her heart during a day and maybe even an attack. So that is how yesterday started. Early in the morning at probably 6:00 or so Holly got up to shower and head out to the hospital for the CAT and to get her monitor. When she returned 2 hours later, she was tired and weak and nauseated. She went up to lay down and rest for a while. She came down maybe an hour later (could be wrong) to get a snack. Apparently the getting up and moving around didn’t do her any good, because she immediately started to have effects of an attack (this I didn’t know quite yet). She went back upstairs fairly quickly. Next thing I know there was a desperate cry for me from the bathroom. It was a “Mike” I’m dying, come and find me, kind of cry; a “Mike” I’m scared and will be unconscious on the floor in 5 seconds, kind of cry. So I ran upstairs to find Holly, pale as a vampire who hasn’t eaten in weeks, sitting on the floor of the bathroom resting her head on the toilet. She unsuccessfully heaved a few times and agreed to be calling the doctor, which I then did. We were to head out immediately. Apparently, as I was calling the doctor, Holly’s nausea turned into a bowel thing. Somehow she still managed to scold me for walking in on her while she was on the pot. She then made her way to the bedroom to lie on the bed and request some apple juice. The apple juice gave her just enough energy to allow me to put shoes on her and get her to the car (all along with Gavin) and drive her to the doctor’s office, weak and pale. At the office, they again got her blood pressure, sugar levels, blah blah blah. They got the results back from the morning CAT. They assured us that she didn’t have a tumor or brain hemorrhage. Yay, but why was she having these episodes? We were told all of the great tests that she had. Her cholesterol was terrific. Some of the best levels the doctor has seen. All of Holly’s levels and counts and numbers were absolutely great. I suppose that is reassuring. After a few questions and small conversation, the doctor started to think that this could all be her body’s reaction to stress and anxiety. That Holly is getting stressed about something, feeling light-headed, maybe like she is going to pass out, and then panics about it because she can’t control it, and eventually passing out. So the doctor prescribed small doses of Xanax to allow Holly to relax a wee bit. I think this made Holly feel better just knowing that she would have some sort of control. Holly was still shaken up at this point. And still a little pale. But knowing that there is nothing physically wrong and that it might just be stress made her feel better also, because that means it is controllable. After the doctor, we went out for lunch while we waited for her prescription to be filled. We talked about what things were stressing her and to what degree. This was a somewhat humorous conversation. I think we were at the point where we were tired of the seriousness of it all and were a little silly. Just a little. Anyway, as we looked at it we decided that school 5 nights a week, work the other two, daily homework, a child, a mother who knows how to nagging and complain a bit, a husband who constantly works, pressure to get a “real” job soon, tight money issues (which she never liked talking about anyway), and then the idea of all these tests and not know what is happening, could very well be stressful and lead to panic attacks. We had a wonderful lunch and Gavin ate a very impressive portion. As we ate Holly had an imaginary conversation with her mom of how to explain the Xanax. Her mom is very anti drug and anti American doctors. Well, maybe not anti, but very, very suspicious about any doctor who would “be so quick” to prescribe drugs to solve a problem. Somewhere about thinking about some of these things, Holly started to feel the symptoms again and stopped to fight them off. She did. At this point we packed up and headed to Times to get her prescription. When we got home, I brought a sleepy boy up to take his nap. As I did so, Holly’s mom came home. Of course Holly started to explain to her mom about the morning. It did not take very long for Mary to start freaking out about the drug. After a minute or so, I went downstairs and sat on the couch next to Holly. Over the next 15 minutes or so, I got the maddest I have been in a really long time. I couldn’t believe her mom. We tell her that Holly’s attacks and issues are stress related and what does she do? She starts going off about how incompetent our doctor is and that we need to get another opinion because you can’t trust any doctor so quickly willing to prescribe a drug so quickly to solve problems. What about Gavin? What will happen when he gets it through breast milk. This is a serious drug. You shouldn’t mess with drugs. You need a new doctor. What is her philosophy on medicine. Blah blah blah. I wanted to smack her right upside the head. Then she managed to turn the situation around to make it about her. “Nobody cared about me when I had problems”, “you don’t love me”. AAaaaaahhhhh. I couldn’t believe she was doing that. I told her that one: how can she possibly say that we don’t care about her, that is the stupidest thing I’ve heard, and to stop, “this isn’t about you, this is about Holly. She is the one currently going through these issues, not you”. I was just utterly amazed at Mary for all the things she was saying. And not just because she was saying them or feeling them, but also because we just told her that Holly’s main problem was stress. And what did she do? Aaarg. It boils my blood just thinking about it. Anyway, after a little bit, I think she started to get the point and calmed down and started to be a bit more helpful and constructive. We then had a reasonable conversation on how to deal with the Xanax and what not. Why can’t we just start at this point and skip all the bullshit she throws out every time? ‘asd/l f;. Sigh. Deep breath. Deeeeeeep breaaaath. Holly took a Xanax anyway. Actually she had taken it just before her mom got home. I think that was a very good thing. In the end it was decided that Holly was stressed and that we would see how the Xanax she took effected her. Meanwhile, she was going to skip class that night (she had a note from the doc) and I would escort her to the movies to watch a relaxing movie. Or Batman. Before we went we were all a ball of stress. I couldn’t stay that way, so I helped to relieve it with a nice bottle of some Märzen (Gordon Biersch beer). Boy did that help. Anyway, we then lied around for about 15- 20 minutes and then left to go to the movie where we drank Sprite and ate popcorn with Mochi Crunch (shoyu covered rice crackers). When we go back from the movie we were locked out. I forgot my keys and Mary and Gavin were up at Loco Moco eating dinner. So we sat on the curb and waited for them. I found if very relaxing. Eventually Gavin came running up the parking lot and gave Holly a huge hug. The rest of the night was pretty much normal. Gavin played with choo choo tracks and watched Thomas, until Holly’s teeth were done (Crest White Strips), and then we all went up for bed. Ahhhh, the day is over. A stressful day much?

I must say that despite having to work, I have really enjoyed my father’s day. The first time I woke up it was to a very cute little boy kissing his daddy saying, “Wake dad”. Then he went downstairs. Ignoring Gavin’s request and knowing that it was too early to really get up, I went back to sleep. A little while later, I was awakened again. This time to go eat breakfast and open presents. For breakfast, I was fed “pie”, as Gavin told me. What was laid out on the table was a plate full of waffles. Also there were bowls of blueberries, rasberries, strawberries whip cream, and little smokies. Mmmm. Talk about a breakfast. I was so full afterwards. But that doesn’t mean I didn’t have room for the bar of Lindt Truffles that Holly bought me. Oh yeahhh. Then Gavin told me I had presents to open and he brought me a present to open. He helped me with all 3 of them. Two books and a shaving mirror for the shower. Our old shower mirror is useless. Especially now, he he. That was pretty much my day. I got to spend some time with Holly as I drove her to work at around 10:30am. Then I went home and played with Gavin until mary carried him off to the 50th State Fair in Honolulu where the Scottish Dance Group was performing. This left me all alone in the house for 2 1/2 hours before I had to go to work. I called my dad of course. Then I proceeded to wash some dished and then do nothing. Well, almost nothing. I watched a movie that we bought the other day. Holly will have to watch it another time. Holly and I don’t get to watch many movies together anymore. But I think that we will get to watch this one together (one day) since we own it. Now I’m getting ready to close the theatre. It’s about 8:45pm or so. Not a bad night at the theatre. All my co-workers wished me a happy father’s day. I should be at home and in bed by 11:30 PM. That is my father’s day. Oh yeah. While at work, I went to the video rental store in the shopping complex here and rented “Carnivale”. The first two episodes anyway. I want Holly to watch it because it is an awesome show. I highly recommend it. See it…….NOW.

I decided tonight that I was going to do my best to ditch out of work. I just need a break I guess. I called a fellow employee and asked him if he could cover my shift for me. Unfortunately he was working at the time I asked him, but he did say that if I started the shift, he would relieve me when he got off. So that is what’s going to happen. That will be cool. I can have the rest of the night off and eat turkey and be with my wife. I hope her class went well today. She doesn’t like it all that much. I guess they all can’t be fun.

Wow, that title could mean so many things right now. But I’ll focus on this one. On monday night, I went with Holly to class again, determined to gain back the confidence I lost the previously at Volcano Joe’s. And I did just that. This was Holly’s fist class in this session and she didn’t show up to VJ’s until 8pm. This gave me time to eat a super yummy Roast Beef sandwich and play two songs. The first song I played was an “Alice in Chains” song. In doing so, I appealed to another person who had signed up. He followed by playing a “Radiohead” song. He was cool. He loves to sing and was good at it. We chit chatted and found that we like a lot of the same music. The night went on and we ended up at the mic together. I played guitar, and he sang as the cafe filled up witht the sounds of “Creep” by “Radiohead”. Other than that, I played a few songs which I felt were pretty darn good. I ended the night with one of the best renditions of “Nothing Else Matters”. It felt really good and I so look forward to doing it more. On another note, I received a phone call from my brother’s fiancé. She wants me to get measurements for my tux so they can rent one for me so I won’t have to worry about bringing one. She also is going to send me a cd with some songs that she would want me to play at their wedding. I hope that they are songs I will be able to play well.

Wow, that title could mean so many things right now. But I’ll focus on this one. On monday night, I went with Holly to class again, determined to gain back the confidence I lost the previously at Volcano Joe’s. And I did just that. This was Holly’s fist class in this session and she didn’t show up to VJ’s until 8pm. This gave me time to eat a super yummy Roast Beef sandwich and play two songs. The first song I played was an “Alice in Chains” song. In doing so, I appealed to another person who had signed up. He followed by playing a “Radiohead” song. He was cool. He loves to sing and was good at it. We chit chatted and found that we like a lot of the same music. The night went on and we ended up at the mic together. I played guitar, and he sang as the cafe filled up witht the sounds of “Creep” by “Radiohead”. Other than that, I played a few songs which I felt were pretty darn good. I ended the night with one of the best renditions of “Nothing Else Matters”. It felt really good and I so look forward to doing it more. On another note, I received a phone call from my brother’s fiancé. She wants me to get measurements for my tux so they can rent one for me so I won’t have to worry about bringing one. She also is going to send me a cd with some songs that she would want me to play at their wedding. I hope that they are songs I will be able to play well.